Friday, January 29, 2010

Epiphanies

***We interrupt the scheduled program because Keira knows if she doesnt update on the current stuff, she'll never catch up. And because she has something to share ***

Three things I was reminded of today:

1. This too shall pass, but only if you let go. This one's a self discovery: If I am caught in a funk, a rut, if you will; if there's a time where I just cant seem to pull myself up, the best thing to do is stop, figure out what is bothering me, think about why, and then LET IT GO. Let it "pass." I discovered that even when I don't realize I'm dwelling on something, it bugs me until I address it. And then once I address the issue, it goes. All by itself. And suddenly, so does the hiking pack full of worry that I was carrying with me. All too often I try to fix the problem by doing something. Going to the temple, or cleaning my house, or visiting. But all that does is push whatever is bothering me further away. And add more to my plate. Granted, those are all good things, but they aren't going to address the issue. The best way to address the issue is to listen. Which brings me to #2.

2. Sometimes we just need to listen. Stop telling the universe what we think and start listening to the Creator of that Universe. That's something I've struggled with all my life, I think. I mean, I can feel the spirit, in the form of peace. But that's just the tip of the iceberg you get when you start to really listen. When you slow down long enough to hear. And by slow down, I mean more than just sit. More than just take a break. I mean slow down your thoughts. And THAT's where I have problems. My mind goes a thousand miles a minute! I over-analyse everything! I guess its like a phone call where someone calls you and all you have time for is the "Hello." And then they're off. They tell you how their day went and what they thought of such and such, and the whole time they're glad you're listening, but they're missing out on real conversation. That's what a journal's for. Not prayer. Not a personal relationship with Deity.

Today I listened. And its not like I see this huge solution to a problem. Its not like I even knew I was asking the  question. But I was reminded about the awe-inspiring opportunity we have to listen. Kind of a "thanks for calling. Don't forget I'm here. And have you considered such-and-such?" And the tidbits I got are ... perfect. I didn't know I needed them, but they heal the wounds of doubt and worry. They make me that much more complete.

3. Love isn't really love until its tested. Ironic, that that would be my epiphany today, hu? But I think I've been trying to come to that conclusion for about a year, now. And I have tried to come to that conclusion before. I thought I understood it, so I didn't really stop to really look at it. And this message comes to the girl who told herself she was content to be on her own, if it meant not hurting like she's been hurt. And it came in the form of Micheal McLean's book Hold On, The Light Will Come: And Other Lessons My Songs Have Taught Me. I just randomly picked it up and started reading. In the middle. The chapter "It's Not Love." When that man (McLean) gets to the "other side," there will be throngs thanking him for the help he never knew he gave. And I will join in.

I gleaned 2 truths from that:

a) "the man" saying he never really loved me was truth. He didn't. But him saying that doesn't show that *I* was lacking. It doesn't hurt me like he intended it. The one it really hurts is him.


"Its not love till its been through a storm.
Its not love till its died and reborn.
Its not love till it comes to an end
and still you have faith to try once again."


b) But just think about it. If love isn't love until it's tested, that means love isn't love until AFTER it hurts you. So being so careful with your heart so you don't get hurt also prevents you from ever loving. And not giving your heart until you love, or until you feel its safe to love, is impossible. you'll never do it. You'll never give your heart, and you'll never love. But you'll still find ways to get hurt.

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