Friday, October 29, 2010

Birthday

I dont want to write much, but I want to show off some of the things I made for B's birthday. I know, how boring, right? well just humor me. And dont pay attention to the messy floor with the pinata. I am sort of a messy creator. Making a mess makes it fun, right? And the sink, well, I just thought it was kinda cool. Sorry my sink's pretty old... 






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A Quick Update

I'm not going to spent too much time catching up on the summer, but I will just add a few pics and a few updates. Okay, so there's more than a few pics and a few updates. But lets get started...

Back in May (yes, May) we had an awesome opportunity to go to Disneyland. For the cost of FOOD. Seriously. I owe my best friends for the trip, it was amazing, and so much fun. A once in a lifetime opportunity.

 

 While we were there, we saw the fairies

They "shrunk us down to fairy-size" so we could visit Pixie Hollow.


We went on an adventure on a boat ride and saw lots of "wildlife"... 


And some pretty cool scenery...


We visited Goofy's house...


 And Princesses...


And Minnie's house...


And Mickey's studio.


We also met Pooh and his friends.


 And visited California Adventures.


 Where we got the scoop on the new Disney movie coming out soon...


And we got to ride on King Triton's carousel. 



And get lost in some Jellyfish. B was barely tall enough for this ride and thought it was fun.



We even got to see a cool display of fireworks, both on Disneyland turf and off. This is a picture from our suite.


 Yeah, suite. Not just some dinkey hotel room, but a whole sweet, with a kitchen and 2 bedrooms and everything.




And of course, a pool (it's California, there's always a pool!)

But we did more than Disneyland. We also visited the beach


Where we built the customary sandcastles. (B's is in the back)


And a little, yet perfectly sized zoo for B's age, where we got up close and personal to this fella (This picture's not zoomed. It's taken on my cell phone). 

This is from one of my favorite sites, Sayingimages.com

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Part 3: Service is My Love Language

So I wasn't convinced at first. And I was even LESS convinced to ADMIT I was convinced. But I confess that I was slowly changing my mind. I was so guarded, to be sure. Very precautious. In fact, I probably would have never even entertained the thought had it not been for the feeling that I should. 


I don't know what compelled me to ask him for help one night. I was working on a project for wedding planning, and normally would have done it all myself (which usually turns out to be a disaster because I'm only one person. Bad habit, I guess. I'm just used to having to take care of my own projects). I guess because I knew he'd ask to come over anyway, and I didn't want to say I was busy (something else I wasn't ready to admit to myself, yet), I took the initiative and actually asked him. He said "sure, I'd love to," and even went that extra mile to bring me a table! I'm telling you, I bossed him around all night (in a nice, "I really need you to do this for me" sort of way) and he didn't once get mad, didn't once say "do it yourself," didn't once say "this is your project, YOU do it." I'd ask him to do something, and as simple as that, he'd do it. And let me just say, that is a BIG deal. I've never known that kind of attitude. I don't mean to bash my ex, but I need you to understand that EVERY time I had a project going on, I did it myself. I set up my own bridal fairs, I decorated the weddings by myself. I went to the store at 2 am because I needed something I didn't have, by myself. If I had a project, I did it alone. And if I needed help, He'd say "this is your project, you do it." And I was okay with that at the time, because it's all I knew. I'm sort of an independent person. But for Ranger to just ... help... Yeah, it got to me. I kept having flashes of Wesley saying "As you wish," and it finally made sense! 
"And even more amazing was the day 
she realized she truly loved him back." 
That day was the day. 

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Part 2: Who Needs Sleep?

Well, that was the end of taking pity on him, he didn't need it any more. After Wednesday's institute, he started texting me. By Friday, he had convinced me to let him come over after work (which seemed much longer until I looked at the calender and realized that was only 2 days...). I told him he could come over, but we had to stay outside, because B was at a sleepover. No Chaperones. You know, I had to play it safe, I'd barely met this guy a few days ago! Everyone I'd asked about him had said that he was super quiet. And I could tell he was quiet, but that didn't stop us. We didn't have a single awkward moment. We talked until 3. And I had a meeting at 6 in the morning! I honestly cant remember what we talked about. But I do remember it was cold. He put his arm around me to warm me up, it was sweet. Strategic, but sweet. 

I still wasn't sure what I thought about him, though. I was impressed, I liked his sincerity, but I was still far from being convinced. I actually have a big list of why NOT to like him written in my journal (Remind me NEVER to let him see that...), and how he would make a great friend, but I wasn't so sure of a relationship. I could see so many flaws in that idea. For fear of leading him on, I'd tell him how I felt on a regular basis. And he was okay with it. He was okay with the fact that he liked me more, and it didn't scare him away, or make him try harder (than normal...), he'd just understand, and appreciate what he could get. One day he asked how I felt, and I said I respected him. Which was true. I know it wasn't the answer he was was looking to hear, but it was the truth, and I'm not one to beat around the bush. The funny thing is, I  could tell he liked that answer more than if I'd said anything else. He sort of smiled his natural, pensive smile, and said that respect was a good place to be at. And it  was true. Respect was a good place to be at. 


to be continued...

Monday, October 25, 2010

Ranger

 I'm changing his name on the blog. He didnt really ask me to, but I think he'd be more comfortable if I did. I get that vibe. Sorta reminds me of The Pioneer Woman calling her husband "Marlboro Man." (And I actually notice lots of similarities to our stories. But I'm probably just wanting to see the similarities).

 Anyway, I've been trying to come up with one all day. I have a problem with nicknames, see. I mean, I call my girl  shortened versions of her name, but it's still part of her identity. I had someone tell me once that a name was an identity, and by calling someone by a nickname, you were avoiding that identity, reshaping it a bit, and expressing what you really thought of that person. That stuck with me. Made me stop and think about the nicknames that we give. For me, control and identity are both a big deal. I could go on and on about individuality, control, respect, and lots of other things that I deem healthy in a relationship, why I think they're healthy, and to what extent. So if giving something a name gives it that identity, I only want nicknames that build my identity. So names like "honey" and "baby" are not big on my list. Especially not baby. I don't have a problem with OTHER people using them, I just don't like them myself. If you're gonna refer to me as something besides my name, you'd better find something that esteems me instead of demeans me. So coming up with something to call him on my blog is a big deal to me. A challenge. So, like any computer-literate, modern woman, I Googled it: typed in words that described him, and saw what came up. The results: The Lone Ranger. He's a gentleman, he takes care of others, is really big on respect, he has a good sense of moral character, and he's sort of "old fashioned." In a good way of course. I mean he's got those old-fashioned core values that seem to be lost in so many of my generation, probably including me. His truck is white, too. I mean, it's not a horse, but it's close, right? I think, though, instead of calling him "The Lone Ranger" every time, I'll just call him "Ranger." Rangers are people who watch over and protect. It still implies that moral compass. So from here on out, I think I'll call him The Ranger. Assuming he approves, of course.


PS, for those who are wondering, if Ranger (;cP) calls me anything besides my name, it's "wonderful" or "lovely lady" or "beautiful."

Thursday, October 21, 2010

So, About That Boy

Well, man, actually, but "boy" sounds better in the title.

Everyone's been asking me who this man is in my life. And, don't get me wrong, I could talk about him all day, I just don't. See, first of all, I don't want to get anyone's hopes up. Especially not mine. Secondly, the voice in my head says "be careful, be careful, be careful" and I am really already sick of hearing it from others. I mean, I realize that they just want what's best for me, but it makes me feel like I cant make my own decision. Which is reason # 3. I have asked other people what he's like, you know, get that broader perspective, but I wanted time to like him without others knowing so that I could get my own opinion before people were excited for me or scared for me, or encouraging or discouraging.  Anyway, for those 3 reasons, I've sort of been mum on the whole "Ranger" subject. And now the questions are pouring in, and I never have time to talk, and ... well, I'm a girl, I like to talk. Especially about guys! :c)

For Starters: How we met...

I had been going to Family Home Evenings with the singles ward for about a month. I felt like it was time to get out of my comfort zone and make some "single friends." Well, the feeling was more like "good things are going to happen, soon, and you need to be ready. You need to be at the right place." But I didn't want to believe that. I was happy being single. Now, don't get me wrong, I was eager to date, but not ready to feel anything too serious for anyone else, just yet. And then in early September, there was a fireside for young adults. I hadn't been to one since before I got married (my ex was sooo not into that thing, and it was easier to not go than to deal with it. And I kept saying "it's just a fireside, right?"), and decided that this would be a good step to remedy that. Besides, I was supposed to be putting myself out there, right? I walked there and arrived before the building was unlocked, and when they came to unlock it (right before it started. I was afraid I'd missed it somehow...) they were shocked, because someone had actually arrived before them. And THEN they were shocked because someone else showed up. Said it doubled their numbers on attendance! But we ended up having about 10 of us show up. I sat in the middle of the middle row. I was the first one there and that was the best seat. Then an amazingly inspiring friend of mine sat down in the same row, and then more people sat in front of us, and then at the last minute, this kid I didn't know but my friend did, came in and sat down next to him. I don't remember if my friend introduced us or not... probably. But I didn't pay attention, he was just some kid in singles ward, and I was only lookin' for friends. Anyway, It was an AMAZING fireside. The message really hit home. It was all about marriage and treating women with respect, and that women deserve respect, and then he cried a little when he talked about his wife, and it was just oh so perfect! He interviewed a happily married couple, and it was a reminder to me that not only was my first marriage no where near as full of love and respect as it should have been, but that there really was an opportunity for happiness. I remember thinking it was ironic because if I were still married, I wouldn't have had the strength to go to the fireside by myself, and there was NO way my ex would hear the message. And here I am, sitting here single, soaking up everything that was said. And loving the peace and truth I felt. And then it was over, and I had so much to think about.

As I began to walk home, in my own little world, this white pickup truck pulls over and the guy who sat next to my friend asked me if he could give me a ride. You know, because that whole fireside was on respecting women and such (come to find out, Ranger's just that kind of guy. But there was no way I'd have gotten in his truck had I not just seen him at the fireside, and even then, if the message hadn't said "women let them show you respect"). So he gave me a ride. And I cant explain it. The way he looked at me... I  could tell he liked me already! I had mixed emotions about that... First of all, I didn't want to like anyone, secondly this was a little too intense for me, thirdly, I admit I was flattered. When he dropped me off, I asked what the activity was for the next Family Home Evening. He said flag football, and I said ugh. Well, I guess I'll go and just socialize. And he said "oh yeah, I'll go too." Like, he'd be watching to see if I would be there. Like he'd be there BECAUSE I'd be there. Which scared me and flattered me all at the same time.

Ironically, I had convinced my cousin to come with me to the next activity (you know, showing up with a guy to look like you're not as single as you really are...), so he gave me a ride and we went to play flag football. Well, I'm not really athletic, and there was a little confusion so that 3 girls (me included) ended up not playing. We were all okay with it, and said we'd be the sideline. Worked for us! So I sat and talked to them the whole time, and Ranger and my cousin and a lot of other people played Flag Football. When it was all over, my cousin came back to where I was, and Ranger came up next to me, too. I confess it was a little awkward. So awkward that I introduced my cousin as "my cousin" when I'd "neglected" to introduce him that way to anyone else... It stayed awkward enough that my cousin decided he didn't want to stay right there and went to "go get B" from the swings where she was playing with some other kids. Ranger and I really didn't talk much that night. First of all, everyone else was coming up to him and asking if he was okay. Apparently, he'd played tough, quite the macho teammate. They all sounded shocked and impressed (I asked my cousin about it later and he said, yeah, he did take some hits... and then look over to see if I'd noticed. I didn't, because I wasn't paying one bit of attention. I was busy talking to the other "sideline" girls). And also because it was sort of awkward. But he said "well, I guess since your cousin's here, you wont need a ride home?" and I said, nope, I've got that covered. And he said "well, let me give you my # so you can call if you need any more rides." And I said "oh, thanks!" and also gave him my #. I'm serious, it was so cute and so awkward at how uncomfortable he was! And then we left, he walked me to my cousin's Jeep and opened my door so I could get in. I've never been escorted to another guy's truck before! That was a little weird, but cute, too. Anyway, then I got in the car and my cousin and I joked because it was sooo obvious that this guy wanted to ask me out, and he just didn't get to it. He even threatened to get out and tell Ranger that I was waiting for him to ask me on a date!

Well, as impatient as I am, and as much as I hate awkward situations, I took pity on Ranger (gosh, that makes me sound conceited! It's just that I wasn't convinced I liked him yet! And it was just so OBVIOUS), and texted him that I wanted to make sure the # he wrote down for me worked. And he texted back it did and started a convo with me (Yeah, I noticed he kept the conversation going) but he still didn't take that first step. So I was bold again! And on Wednesday I asked what he was doing. He said "I don't know, why" and I said because I cant make up my mind if I'm going to go play volleyball or if I'm going to institute. Just wondered if you were going to either of them, and then I'd ask for a ride" (So forward of me! What can I say?). He said, "yeah, I'll give you a ride." And I said "to which one," and he replied, "whichever one you want to go to." And THAT, folks, was our first date. Institute. Exciting, hu? A friend of mine was watching B, and I'd asked if she could watch her a little longer, so when Ranger asked after institute if I needed to get back right away or if we could go get a "pop" or something (I love Idaho language. -.- ), I said we could go do something. Well, we ended up going to Idaho Falls for a soda. All the way to IF. And then we talked and walked around. And it was so weird, because I'm normally a standoffish, don't touch me, I wont touch you kind of girl. Old scars still there, I guess. But with him, it was so easy to flirt and talk and I even touched his arm! Without thinking about it. And then thought to myself "why did I just do that? That's totally not like me. And I'm sure it sent the wrong message. I'm sooo not wanting to get serious. And that was serious."

To be continued...