I have a problem. It's the yucky word called Fear.
See, I've been so excited about the relationship with Ranger. And it's slowly been sinking in that this relationship's getting pretty serious. And that scares me! Suddenly, I'm asking myself, "am I really ready do to this? Am I really emotionally healed enough? And what if this gets that serious and find out that relationships are just like it was before? What if that's what life is really like? What if he's not right for me? Would I even accept it if that really was the case? Can I handle his faults, along with his talents? Can he handle me? I mean, I'm sort of outspoken and moody and all over the place. And are all of these fears trying to tell me something or are they just because I've been hurt before?" I get in that chain of thought and just keep worrying, worrying, worrying.
And then Sunday comes around, and I'm still worrying, and wondering what to do with this fear, and praying that I come up with an answer quickly. Church started off with a Missionary sharing a lesson he learned on his mission. It was that we should look forward with hope and not worry. We should take our worries and cross them out and not think about them, and look forward to the future. Okay, I can handle that. I think. And the next speaker talked about watching out for those that need our support. Completely different, right? Sure, up until the point that he started talking about how fear can keep us from doing what we want and should do. That we should stop being afraid. And then Sunday School talked about how fear will keep us from being good leaders. And then, I help out with the young women in my church. And their lesson was on how fear and worry are a waste of time. Well, I don't know if it ever actually came up, but it did to me. That was what MY lesson was on. And by then, I'm saying "Okay, I get it!" and we were listening to the Sunday music channel here, which plays uplifting music along with uplifting messages. And guess what the uplifting message was on? Overcoming fear and just doing what you're afraid of.
And then, to top it off, this morning I found this message: (please ignore the grammar errors. They make me cringe):
So, the answer that I needed to receive was this: Stop being afraid. Enjoy life, don't miss out on the opportunities because you were too busy worrying. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with the direction this is going. I feel an underlying peace, even though I should work harder at keeping it with me (and not complaining or worrying so much). We'll see how things go from here. :c)