But that was up until last year. Then I watched the Forgotten Carols. And it seriously changed everything.
I dont know if I can explain it. It just came at the right time for me. First of all, I realized something profound. It had been a LONG time since I'd looked anyone in the eyes. A long time. And I realized that fact as I watched this movie. Why? because I looked at the characters' eyes. And was shocked. I realized how much you can tell about a person by looking at their eyes. You can tell what people are thinking, how they're feeling. You can tell what they're really like. And then I thought about my ex's eyes. And how cold and empty they were. There was no light in his eyes whatsoever. And I realized I didnt want that in my life. I also asked myself WHY I hadn't looked anyone in the eyes. And it helped me realize how toxic my old relationship actually was. And it changed me. I set new goals for myself, new expectations and new dreams.
Secondly, I realized that I was done feeling lost. I felt like I was one of those people singing "I cannot find my way." So when Jeff McLean sang that we can all find our way if we look to the star, I felt like I had my answer. I knew how to find my way.
Thirdly, I was moved by the last song of the movie. "Ive been given what I need." I realized that even though things werent going the way I wanted, they were going forward. I was given the chance to count my blessings instead of focus on my problems. When I heard the song, I asked myself if it was true, had I really been given what I needed? And then I noticed how strong I'd become, more spiritual, and more focused. I realized that my needs really had been met, and that in the long run, I would be happier than if my ex had stayed.