Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Storms a'coming.

original photo source unknown
It's been a hard day for me. A lot is changing very rapidly. I don't know where to start.

About a week ago (a little more than that), I went to my Aunt's house for Canadian Thanksgiving. Shortly after leaving her house, the roof of my mouth itched like crazy. I literally wanted to scratch it off. But I couldn't find relief in even attempting to scratch it. And then, as we were driving down the road, I noticed my tongue was beginning to go numb. And then, a little further, my nose was going numb and I eyes started tingling. I called Doctor Mom and she said pull over right there and go to the ER. The word anaphylaxis came up. But I was in the middle of no where, so instead of listening to mom, I bought some Benadryl, and it seemed to be keeping it at bay. I figured if worse came to worse, I had two worthy Priesthood holders in the car, I would be okay. Since then, I have tried and tried to figure out what I was so allergic to. At first I thought it was a spice in the food. I decided when I got better, I'd try out a few spices delicately. But I just wasn't getting better. Everything I would eat would aggravate my tongue. So I did my research. I noticed it happening more with breads and fruits. I suspected gluten, but a gluten intolerance is different, so I went back to thinking, researching, and listening to my body. And then, while contemplating how I've been feeling for the past year (honestly closer to 2), I kind of began to see a pattern. And it all comes back to yeast. I've felt for a while that I had too much yeast in my system, I just didn't know where to start or how to fix it. I knew antibiotics were the usual course of action, but it never felt right. I felt like if I took an antibiotic, it would kill everything, and then the candida that was thriving in my system now would come back stronger. I know I'm not a doctor, but I really feel guided in this. I can see it. I've talked to a few nature-paths and homeopaths, and people that know the body (besides a true-blue doctor), and they all say my assumption sounds spot-on. I know I should probably go to a doctor, but it doesn't FEEL right. I don't think a doctor could cure this, he could either make it worse, or treat the symptoms. And if I'm ever going to get better, I need to do more than treat the symptoms. And by going to a doctor, I'd be shuffled from an allergist to a regular doctor to intestinal doctors to woman doctors to nutritionists, and all of them would give me a different scenario. It's kind of like the story of the elephant and the blind men. Except I'm the elephant. And I have to pay the blind men.

The problem is, Yeast is in more than you'd think. And what yeast isn't in, sugar is, and the already-present yeast would feed and multiply on the sugars. So without treating the allergy and the infections and anything else going on, I would have to face getting sick every time I eat. For the rest of my life. And actually, I have, for a while, but it just wasn't an allergic reaction sick. I kept it at bay by eating super-healthy home-grown/cooked as much as possible, so I just thought my body was being picky. And I thought I was just too stressed. But I could never seem to shake the stress. Even when I wasn't stressed, I'd have stress symptoms.   So I talked to my resources, researched for myself, and have come to a plan of action. And it's not an easy one. It involves taking extra care of myself, detoxifying my system, cutting out yeasty and sugary foods (which is just about all of them) for some undisclosed amount of time (hoping I'll know when that is when I get there, but otherwise, I'll work with those that know better) while taking a probiotic, and then slowly introducing sugary foods and more grains, until I can return to a semi-normal diet. I'll probably never go back to over-processed carbs (as I pretty much gave them up anyway. Being a single mom working fast food can really show you what it does to  your system) because they weaken the immune system and feed the Yeast. Or at least I'll second guess myself on every sugary snack.

I came to that conclusion on Sunday. And then Monday I had court. My ex called me names, and the judge let him. My ex says he refuses to let me home school, and the judge said she had her mind made up on homeschooling and there wasn't enough time to convince her otherwise. She wouldn't even listen to our arguments.  My girl was to be in public school starting today (Tuesday) until our next court day after Christmas break. So on top of preparing to go through the hardest mental and physical challenge of my life in order to achieve wellness, I have to send my thriving child back to a sick system. When I told her that, she spent all night bawling in my arms. I can't even talk about it without bawling myself. I am prepared to do whatever it takes and suffer whatever it takes for personal wellness. But knowing that my kid will have to suffer, and I'm about to put myself in a fragile state and may be unable to help just kills me inside. I know I have to do this, and I know I have to do this now. I can't let myself be sick for much longer. And She deserves a mom who's trying to be healthy in all respects.

And, for some higher reason, they feel connected. Like they were meant to be faced together. Like we are screaming to the world that we are willing to go through something horrendous to be in better health at the end. Both with school and with health. If I send her now, if I carefully balance helping her and letting her experience this on her own, the right things will happen. I knew I was supposed to home school. I knew it. And God doesn't make commandments I can't find a way to keep. Nephi and his brothers were commanded to get the Brass plates. They asked for the plates and they were told no. Laban had his agency. He had to be given the chance. And Nephi and his brothers needed to know how important this was. They had to be willing to sacrifice everything. And then they needed to know that God would cover the rest. I don't think that this will go to the extreme as it did for Nephi, but I can see the parallels. It's in God's hands. I was given a blessing after I got done with the court and the message I received was that this is no longer about my agency. God knows I'll do my part, and there are other agencies in testing right now. If I felt the need of home school so strongly, and there are more parents involved than me, they have the opportunity to hear the same message. And if it's screaming for me, it has to be screaming for them. But they have their agency. He has his agency. And after I've done all that I can do, it will work out. So, I've got to do all that I can do. And that begins by healing myself and convincing a biased judge that this is a viable option - not just for me, but for all other homeschooling moms or dads that are faced with this judge again. I'm up to that challenge, but it will most definitely not be easy.

So, we're preparing for the storm. We're making our house a sanctuary from the tempests surrounding us. We're getting better, whatever the sacrifice.


1 comment:

  1. Keira, I'm so sorry! I don't really know what else to say. I hope you get feeling better and I hope things start working out. So so sorry.