Monday, May 27, 2013

Who I Used to Be

As I've mentioned, I have really changed in the past year and a half. I know who I am and I love myself for it. It all came about by removing shame from my life, which is why I have such a strong testimony of it. Once I got shame out, suddenly, I was allowed to love myself, and through that, I was able to let the Savior heal all of my festering wounds. And they were many!

So, I've been thinking about who I am now, and about this blog, and about what I said a year ago. It's time to update my Who I Am page. Because that's not me, anymore. But I didn't want to lose who I used to be. That's part of me, too.

So... here is the original. This is who I used to be.

Keira? Who's Keira?
Good Question. Next?

What do you do, exactly?
I have no idea. Next?

Why Seven?
Ah, good! One I can answer! Finally!
In college, I took a Religious Contexts class. I also studied an Old Testament Symbology class. And while taking said classes, an interesting thing came to my attention. The number 7. In the Old Testament, and throughout Hebrew religions, the number 7 appears over and over. We took a day discussing that biblical numbers are often symbolic, i.e. the number often tied to sacrifices is symbolic to help those following the Mosaic law in remembering the reason for the symbol. 7 is the symbol of perfectionwholenesscompleteness, and exactness. It sums all of these concepts up, and many more. They all go perfectly together, and yet are different concepts in my mind. I like that there is one word that can put them all together, even if it's just in my head. And I guess that's what I'm looking for. Perfect completeness. Whole perfection. to me, completeness means the project is done, but not necessarily perfect. I can have a complete object that has lots of nicks and dents. And perfection, at least in mortality, is rarely complete. I can be a perfect piano player, but by being so, I'm probably terribly imperfect at something else. In order to be perfect at something in this life, I will have had to sacrifice something else, creating imbalance, being incomplete.
Symbolism in a biblical context suddenly made sense. And made Leviticus and Deuteronomy a whole lot easier to understand! And enjoy, for that matter. Imagine my surprise when in my Religious Contexts class, the number 7 was still rampant! It's everywhere! And I've yet to find a time when discussion of the concept of 7 didn't fit into my understanding of it. Holistic religions, Ancient Egyptian, Chinese culture, art, it's everywhere!

No really, who's Keira?
Okay, if you must know, I'm a terribly inconsistent woman who tries to conquer the world before bedtime, and sometimes succeeds. I tend to channel Martha more than Mary, and constantly get so caught up in a single idea that I let everything else fall into chaos around me. I'm the queen of good intentions, but have terrible follow-through. I have a strong sense of right and wrong, and it gets me into trouble sometimes. I'm bold and have big ideas. In the past 3 years, I've gone through some seriously icky times and some amazingly wonderful times. And that's part of the problem. My identity has done a whole lot of changing lately. The woman I thought I'd be is not the woman I am, which is also not the woman I was even a year ago.
I love to socialize, but rarely convince myself to. I love to cook from scratch, but have to work up the motivation. I over-achieve, over-plan, and over-analyze, all the while never reaching my expectations of myself. I am great in a crisis, but make up for it when times are good (but I'd really like to change that, so I don't have to go through quite so many crises in order to progress). I love anything wedding, symbolic, or homemade. I don't have a favorite color, only favorite color combinations (and they change regularly, usually with the seasons or a current project). I have a knack for gauging what people are thinking before they ever say anything, which can get me into trouble if I'm not careful. I purge my house all the time, and yet it's still cluttered.  I love to research, miss college, wish I could always stay home with my child/children, and secretly wish that I could simultaneously change the world and crawl under a rock and hide.
If you'd like to know more about me (seriously? More? Wasn't that enough?) you can read posts labeled Pieces of Me. They're anecdotes I found personally relevant and decided to share.

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