Friday, June 7, 2013

Proving

This is it. Tomorrow I take the praxis test to show my personal ability to teach my child. I have felt calm about this up until this week, and now I'm more than a little nervous. How do I really expect to remember everything when 8th grade was more than just a couple of years ago? When it's been more than 5 years since I've been to a college class? And today it suddenly hit me: I am old. When I go to take this test, I'm going to be surrounded by kids that weren't even IN school when I was learning this stuff. And they'll all be friends who have taken classes together, and I will be that one misfit old lady that nobody knows. I mean, I'm not THAT old, but I'm not exactly straight out of ...anything, either. Will being green give them the advantage?

And what if I bomb it? Am I proving the judge right? Will I have to resign myself to going back to school and actually getting a teaching degree, just to exercise my rights to teach my child as I see fit? Will the judge pull an "I told you so?" 

And why on earth did I pick June? Yes, it's the best month to prove my abilities before next year while still giving me time to study, but it's also the month of garden crunch-time, yard crunch-time, family shifts after public school lets out, soccer practices, and I'm STILL trying to spring clean (maybe by now I should call it year-long clean? I'm on the last room, though. At least, upstairs. That should count for something). 

But, I have studied (and I didn't study for the ACT in high school and didn't fail), and I ate a balanced dinner, and have a perfect menu written up for breakfast tomorrow. I have taken a few practice tests (we won't talk about them, they make me nervous). And now I'm relaxing and zening out to music. I'm about to have Ranger give me a blessing and then get into bed. I even picked out my outfit and collected my number 2's. Am I missing something? Oh yeah. Pray really hard. And trust...I always forget that one in a crisis. I felt that this was what I should do. God's on my team. Guess it's time to let go. 

Good night, world. Tomorrow will be  a threshold to a new chance. 

3 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. It was amazing! I wrote about it towards the end of my new post: http://searchforseven.blogspot.com/2013/06/tender-mercies-aslan-and-wrestling-with.html

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